All I want to do is write today; that was the plan. It was delicious in my planning. Instead Tom waited patiently while I saw the eye doctor this morning. Once again, winter has impacted our lives. For me, a corneal abrasion – again. Merely laying in bed last night, dropping into sleep when I felt the “twang” of the eruption. Hoping it was a flake of mascara I put the icky ointment in my eye and managed to sleep. But no, now I sport a temporary contact lens, the numbing medication is wearing off and I have added new eye medication to the cabinet.
The yoga practice this session is Aprigraha or non greediness. When is enough… enough? When do we choose to be with whatever shows up and let go our own expectations or need to control?
Seeing is blurry at best and I have a yoga workshop to lead tonight and class to teach in the morning. Best laid plans and all that. Waiting for a washer load to finish spinning, I look out at the snow and am reminded of the unexpected gift from the recent blizzard. Ten days ago Tom and I prepared to go out once again to shovel snow. Our schedules were completely disrupted but we had power, heat and good neighbors. Walking out into the cul-de-sac, I suddenly was struck with the view. This is how the roads looked when Jim and I lived in New Hampshire.
The scene before me shifted to a snowy afternoon when I decided to indulge in the tradition of knocking off work to go home instead of toughing it out. I called Jim to say we were going cross country skiing! He was game and the adventure was on. Would I have remembered that wonderful, silly, fun and highly memorable afternoon without this particular storm? Coming in the midst of my writing our story, was it a gift to have stopped to open up memories stored by once again dealing with deep snow? Yes, in deed.
From there other thoughts tumbled out. There was such hope then. Jim had come through a rough patch with cocaine. There were no needles, no herion, no “lost” times of disappearance. Like the deep, quiet , white snow, there was hope. I treasure this memory and love having its images flashing before my eyes even now.
So perhaps this process of writing and then being distracted by weather and my left cornea are part of the process. I don’t recall reading any books on writing that talk about life interfering with the process. Perhaps this is my version of “writers block” – so far I’ve never lacked for words to place on a page. An inflamed cornea won’t be served with agitation or anxiety or deadlines. Instead I’ll go practice what I teach – restorative yoga.
After all, I have a room full of students showing up later needing their own restoration from various winter ailments – stress, pain, etc. Perhaps as I lie in a supported pose, floating in bliss, a new series of memories will arise or new connections will be made to emphasis a point that is important to include. Let’s go see what aprigraha might offer me today….
Resting pose - savasana - on a warm, sunny day in Maryland.
